Dear reader,

Obviously, you chose this book by mistake, so the best thing you can do is abandon it. No rational person would consciously read this particular book, where the tragic moments experienced by Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire in the town of E.P.S. are faithfully and gloomily recorded.

I can't think of any reason why someone would want to open a book that contains so many unpleasant events, such as migratory crows, an angry mob, the front page of a newspaper, the arrest of innocents, the Luxury Cell, and some very strange hats.

I have taken on the important and sacred mission to research and record every detail of the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, but you can undertake another important and sacred mission, for example, to read another book.

With all my respect,

Lemony Snicket